why self-love isn’t selfish…
If there was a club for women who put their needs and wants on the back burner because they thought doing the littlest thing for themselves was selfish, I would have been the president, CEO, and spokes person.
Up until about 4 years ago, the mere thought of taking an hour to myself to lay down or go out for a night with friends would send me into a spiral of shame and selfish feelings. Negative self talk and I were best friends and that friend was telling me that I had no business taking care of myself when I had a family, home, and business to take care of. I had a hard time understanding that self love and care were things that I needed and not something that took away from my family and business. Taking care of myself actually allowed me to be a better mom, partner, and human being.
For a lot of us, we were made to believe that self love and care is selfish. That could not be further from the truth and I am on a mission to knock that belief out of existence.
One of the things that helped me the most was really discovering the difference between self love and selfishness/self indulgence. Knowing the difference can really help to shift your mindset and allows you to not feel selfish while taking care of yourself.
Below, you will find 5 examples explaining the difference between self-love and selfishness.
1 .Self love is balancing and nourishing where selfishness is overindulgent.
Healthy eating, moving your body, journaling, personal hobbies, self care routines are all balancing and healing. These are all acts of self love.
Shameless self promotion, drinking or eating too much and spending money that isn’t there are all examples of selfish indulgence that is ultimately destructive.
2. Self love radiates outward while selfishness channels inward.
The more self love you give yourself, the more love you are able to give to others. The whole “you can’t pour from an empty cup” concept is the understanding that you cannot give to others if you do not first give to yourself or fill up your own cup. This is one of the main concepts of self love. You love yourself so that you can safely give love to others.
On the other hand, selfishness is more about serving yourself only with no intention of giving love out to others.
3. Self love opens new opportunities while selfishness leads to road blocks.
When your are pursuing self love and are constantly growing, learning, and improving you will inevitably be presented with new gifts and opportunities.
When you are not open to loving yourself and not willing to do the work to grow, you will inevitably not make any progress.
4. Self love breeds empathy and compassion selfishness feeds greed.
When you choose to accept yourself, unconditionally love yourself and be an example of grace to yourself, you also learn to do this for others.
Greed is about only looking out for yourself And an intense focus on material things. Some see greed as a form of self care but it really works against you. It forms the habit of relying on material things to find happiness and that is not sustainable. Greed and selfishness are one in the same.
5. Self love benefits everyone while selfishness benefits no one.
When you love yourself unconditionally and are constantly filling your love tank, you continuously have enough love and understanding to give out to others.
Selfishness will ultimately lead to everyone losing. It will alienate relationships, diminish opportunities, and lead to profound loneliness.
More likely than not, your reasons for starting on a self love journey are not to solely serve yourself but to be able to give more to others without depleting yourself. This is not selfishness, it is treating yourself with kindness and love and there is nothing selfish about that. Learning the difference between self-love and selfishness can really help you shift your mindset and your understanding of the two.
As always, I hope you found this information helpful. If you have any questions or just want to chat, please feel free to reach out HERE. Remember that you are worth the time, effort, and energy it takes to learn what works for you so that you can show up for yourself in this one beautiful and wild life you get.
i am so glad that
you are here!
Thank you so much for hanging out with me a bit today, I hope you found it helpful. If you every have any questions, please feel free to reach out HERE.