what are boundaries and why you need them…
If there is one thing that I could I shout from the roof tops on a continuous loop until the end of time, it would be that “everyone needs healthy boundaries in their life!”.
I went through most of my life without knowing what boundaries were and it ultimately lead me to abandon myself in deeply profound ways. The word “NO” felt completely off limits to me and I felt sick at the thought of using it in any capacity. Being in this constant state of people pleasing and self neglect lead to a deep self abandoning that kept me in a loop of burn out, anxiety, and depression. After years of feeling so low and unsure why, I learned about boundaries from my therapist and suddenly I realized that this is what I was missing in my life.
I slowly started putting up boundaries and I started noticing a profound shift in my life. I felt more safe, aligned, and supported within myself and my relationships. I truly believe that boundaries are essential to living your authentic truth.
Boundaries are very much a part of becoming your best + favorite version of yourself, but it can be so hard to start doing this especially when you may have been neglecting yourself for a while. Being able to understand what you are willing to accept and what doesn’t work for you in your life will help you step fully into your power.
what are boundaries?
Boundaries are limits + rules that we set with ourselves and others to support our comfort and safety. They are guidelines that we establish to protect ourselves in all relationships + situations. Boundaries are basically a line between you + others. They are the rules you live by to protect your peace and your best interest. They are limits that you set to define what you will and will not do and barriers for what you will and won’t accept. A fun way to think of boundaries is to see them as your own personal security team there to support and protect you.
Boundaries help you become unapologetic about who you are and what you need.
why are boundaries important?
Having healthy + firm boundaries is essential to stepping in to your power and communicating your needs. Being able to set limits and keep them is a vital skill to have to encourage healthy relationships and is an integral part of self-love.
If you do not set and keep the appropriate boundaries for you and your life, you will most likely feel worn down, frustrated, and unfulfilled.
Developing the right guidelines for your life will help you in your journey to show up for yourself in the best way possible and knowing what you willing to accept in your life.
Benefits of Boundaries:
supports positive emotional + Psychological well being
limits stress + anxiety
supports healthy relationships
helps develop autonomy + self-respect
empowers you to make the best decisions for yourself
limits exposure to disappointment, anger, + confusion in relationships
helps develop safety + security in relationships
what are some myths about boundaries?
Having healthy + firm boundaries is essential to stepping in to your power and communicating your needs. Being able to set limits and keep them is a vital skill to have to encourage healthy relationships and is an integral part of self-love but there are so many myths that keep people from putting up boundaries.
setting boundaries will make you a mean, selfish person
Protecting your peace and saying no isn't selfish. It allows you to show up for the things that are a "YES" to you more fully. You are allowed to have limits and rules that make you feel safe in your life.
setting boundaries will push everyone away
If the people in your life are not used to people setting boundaries with them, it will take a bit for them to get used to your new relationship. The people that respect your boundaries are people worth keeping in your life.
Love means not having any boundaries
The key to having healthy relationships is to have clear rules and limits otherwise having no boundaries leads to resentment and anger. Boundaries are a loving action.
It isn’t possible to set a boundary without an argument
It is possible to have a loving, kind conversation when it comes to setting boundaries. Some people may take offense, but you are in charge of how the discussion will go. You can walk away or say "We can talk about this when we have a chance to calm down.
If you consistently focus on your needs, no one else’s needs will be met
This is a common misconception about all acts of self-love and empowerment. You need to fill your own cup before you have the capacity to fill others. The more love and care you show yourself, the more you will have available to give others.
Setting boundaries will make you appear unkind + ungenerous.
To people who are used to people pleasing and who have no boundaries, it will seem kind and unpleasant that you are setting boundaries. The only thing that matters is that YOU are doing what is right for YOU. The right people will understand.
No one will respect your boundaries.
It is important to stand firm and keep your boundaries. Consequences will need to be given if your boundaries are not respects. If you are steadfast in keeping your boundaries, people will have to respect them to keep a relationship with you.
Important things to remember when setting boundaries
Boundaries only work if you are consistent and firm with keeping them.
You are not responsible for how others feel about your boundaries.
Your boundaries are allowed to change.
It is important to find a healthy balance and not to be too loose or strict with your boundaries. Finding a happy medium is key.
You need to be able to recognize your role in all situations and take responsibility for your actions before setting boundaries. This will help you set boundaries that are warranted.
Understand that boundaries may not solve every problem within your relationships or things you are having trouble with. It is important to be able to recognize if it is a big problem that needs other interventions.
how to start setting boundaries:
Learn about the 4 Steps to Setting Boundaries- There are 4 main points that will help you start setting effective boundaries. Identifying when a boundary has been crossed, communicate your boundary, set consequences when your boundary has been crossed, and what you can expect when setting boundaries. See below for a deeper explanation of each step and feel free to print this out to help you.
2. WORK WITH A COUNSELOR OR THERAPIST-
If you find that tapping into this side of yourself is difficult or if you need more support, working with a licensed mental health professional would be a great option if that is an available option for you.
3. GUIDED WORKBOOKS
Guided boundary setting workbooks can be extremely helpful if you are wanting to do this journey on your own. There are so many wonderful options out there and the one I have created would be an extremely wonderful option as well. You can find our Beautiful Boundary Guided Workbook HERE.
As you can see, boundaries are so essential in being able to show up for yourself in the best way possible. As always, I hope you found this information helpful. If you have any questions or just want to chat, please feel free to reach out HERE. Remember that you are worth the time, effort, and energy it takes to learn what works for you so that you can show up for yourself in this one beautiful and wild life you get.
i am so glad that
you are here!
Thank you so much for hanging out with me a bit today, I hope you found it helpful. If you every have any questions, please feel free to reach out HERE.